Few nays were heard, those hundred years
Since Abe Lincoln was killed.
No self-[flagellation, no soggy tears,
When the Great Lost Cause was willed.
The Rebel losers, in their grief,
Having lost their valuable property,
Sought about like a common thief
To replace it with absurdity.
The property that walked and talked and mocked them so
Had left such an empty gap.
They needed a vessel they could row
Beyond that mocking flap.
The other void they needed to fill,
Where once there was a heart and soul,
Now lived an ache they needed to kill,
And try to make themselves whole.
One saw these sad sons of Dixie
As naught but traitorous Rebs.
Whose minds were that of a pixie,
Entangled in spiders’ webs.
Their way of life was upended
When their human scaffold fell.
That to which they were appended,
And that which sent them to hell.
The brimstone could not have been hotter,
When the live fortunes they held,
Began toward the north to totter,
And there with the Yankees did weld.
Having thus sunk to perdition,
Their traitorous plans now in ruin,
They tried to describe their failed mission –
A coo-coo bird somehow flew in.
The South wanted only the right
To Spread its wings in the West,
And in so doing to fight
For the black treasure it held to its chest.
Oh, they did fight valiantly,
With Robert E. Lee at the fore.
And, though they fought most gallantly,
The ragged soldiers could fight no more.
They became fewer in in number when facing Grant,
With supplies whittling down to the core,,
And innumerably Yankees, with their damn chant:
“Oh, Johnny Reb can’t take it no more!”
Appomattox Court House became the tomb
For the South’s misadventure.
It is the symbol of its doom,
Of its misguided venture.
All that was left, then, was to boast on high,
“Outgunned, but not outsmarted,”
To hold head high, then to sigh:
“A brave thing ‘twas we started.”
The Yanks overwhelmed us;
We fought them without pause.
Forever we claim as righteous:
Our undefeatable Los Cause.
***** ***** *****
None of your damned monuments
Deserve to be on display.
Your curious institutional consequence
Has brought you to this day.
Now that you’ve had your, “Lost Rebel” say,
Exhausted your revised history,
Once and for all, you’ve ruined the day –
Your craven cause was treachery!
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