This convention is still somewhat up in the air, no pun intended. Ha. Ha. We're having kind of a hard time contacting and communicating with the current suicide bombers and also potential suicide bombers.
Since we're not quite sure where the current suicide bombing peeps are, we have to use the age old message carrying routine of mouth to mouth passing on of secret messages, and in this case the Suicide Bombers Convention messages. Or in some instances more upscale methods like using the cell phone. (If they use a cell phone, do they get a break in costs if ordering more than one? Ordering more than a dozen? This will be discussed at the convention.) In some cases our couriers are a little hesitant to get too near the suicide bomber for fear that this is the day, time and location. And our courier doesn't want to get whacked and not get the message passed on. I can see where they are coming from...or in some instances going to.
Several issues still have to be resolved. 1. What if the suicide bomber already has the explosives locked to his body and can't get the bomb jacket off? Attendees contacted so far are a little nervous. I can see their point. Some of the metal attachment vests will break bolt cutters, this is big time attachment! 2. Location – this may be one of the more major issues. It appears that there isn't any country that is willing to use their convention center or desert for such a gathering. (Hotels are being asked to not jack up the price of room rentals during the convention.) I had thought about contacting the Burning Man Festival guys about a co-event where they have their annual par-tay. But do Burning Man attendees and Suicide Bombers have the same likes and dislikes? I doubt it. I can't remember any Burning Man attendee saying he likes dynamite, nitro, K4 and nitrogen sulphate. Yeah... I would certainly not want to have it at my convention center or my desert. 3. All concessionaires have said they want a guarantee there won't be any explosions whether on purpose or accidental. And there is general disagreement among food vendors what can be sold. Popcorn balls, soft drinks, cotton candy, salted or unsalted peanuts...I could go on and on. 4. About the 72 virgins awaiting a successful suicide bombers execution. Some potential bombers would like to see some of these gals at the convention. That definitely cannot be arranged, as they can't/won't make their appearance until the suicide bomber executes his orders. This is a real bummer. If a suicide bomber is going to receive 72 virgins, I would certainly think he would want to see the whole package before he explodes his ordinance. What if one or two of them are using some type of fragrant oil that the suicide bomber is allergic to? Can he return that one and exchange for a non-fragrant oiled virgin? 5. Transportation to and from the convention site. The International Public and Private Transportation Union, IPPTU, says definitely not by public transportation. So that leaves private vehicles. No, I won't let them use my 2009 Scion Xd, even though I'm getting about 35 MPG. Too many extra miles, and my warranty only goes to 100,000 miles or seven years. And I have no explosion protection steel around it. Problem is any bunch of guys in pickup trucks draws too much attention from drones. So that leaves camels, horses, mules, donkeys and the last case would be the ol' foot express. I would guess the ol' foot express is preferred by the suicide bomber's boss. (Cost cutting bean counter. I doubt if he's missing any meals.)
So now you see the dilemma. Does anyone have any recommendations? Someone?
Anyone?
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